I apologise.

I am still here. I am OK. I missed a day yesterday, not by choice. It was more of a chance happening. An opportunity came up. I’m willing to work, now I need to raise a lot of money to get a lot of what I want, it’s for a good cause. But today, today i’m mad.

I’m angry and I don’t know why. But everything everyone is doing is grating on me like mild cheese (pre-cut not block form and yes that’s important). Just put it this way I am tired. Of a lot of things. Of things not working out for me the way I want them too. Yes, I am responsible for my own actions but in life, it is not always your actions that hold you back.

For instance. A young couple used my plates in the kitchen today, they didn’t wash them. Normally I would be OK but today, today I’m mad.

Today one of my ‘ex friends’ as he would surely put it, keeps coming in the kitchen throwing his bloody weight around and I can’t take it any more. Not today, today I’m not having it. I deserve way more than what some people give me and I want it all.

I have given my entire life, soul, mind and body for God in order to help treat the people around me with respect and kindness. But today, today I’M NOT HAVING IT.

I am very livid. I am usually a very calm trusting individual, very peaceful and understanding. I go very long periods of just accepting things and working them out later. Dealing with people as I go. Turning the other cheek, to a lot of nonsense that I can’t really stand. But today! Today I’m not f**king having it.

Today, today I am really mad. Today I am pissed. Today I want to kill somebody. Today I want to tear someone limb from limb and post the pictures to their parents. Today i feel like ruining the entire world. Today I feel the evil inside me bubbling and his name is anger. Today I want to unleash him and let him loose.

But today I won’t, because if I do. I lose all respect from others and for myself. Even if they never respected me in the first place, I would rather die than betray myself and to give into a childish displays of expression.

Today I am mad. But today i will keep calm.

Today I win.

God is love and all that. Kwesi D.


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