I am 20.
I should celebrate that fact. I did actually, I mean by celebrate i followed a couple of friends to the nearest shake down bar.
By shake down I mean club, venue, and place of music. It would have been easier to say one or the other but I’m feeling fancy tonight. What was i saying again…?
Oh yeah, I am 20 years old now. Well officially I turned 20 the day of December 11th 2014. I know… almost a month has gone by already. How time flies. You know they are asking us to start thinking about dissertation proposals? That’s crazy right?
I keep losing track of where I was going with this post again…what was I saying…?
Ah yes! I turned 20 years old the day of…Oh I did that already? Oh OK. Cool I guess. Then I’ll get straight to it.
Time changes people. It changes us. It changes your life, my life, our lives, their lives. Life changes and time is the only measurement of that. I’m not trying to be metaphorical or smart. It’s common sense. We need to keep track of time.
When I turned 18 I was thankful to God for how far i had come over the years. I had every right to be thankful. I am alive and I have family and friends and a TV and a Games console that I’ve given the majority of my time too since I was 14.
18… At 18 I realised I had changed my ideas on life a little more. You see, experiences have a funny way of messing with you. You deal with pain and then you mark yourself. You accomplish something and then you realise little by little you can do that again.
At 18 I thought I was invincible, every thought was a welcomed one and really and truthfully through my time with God I found an intelligence buried beneath all the pointless chatter and false bravado…the fake macho-man.
I realised, at 18 that I just wanted to be me for a while. No responsibilities, no pressure, no necessities for me, just me, my thoughts and that intelligence. It was working for me.
Fast forward a year and it was working even better for me. I mean somehow my mum convinced me that University would be a good option for me…I didn’t care much but now i was here it all made sense to me…I want what I wanted at 18…I just want to be me for a little longer. As if I was losing myself.
A foreshadow maybe. Fast forward again. 20. What did i realise…let me remember. Well I should probably start by saying on my actual birthday i didn’t do anything but work on a project for my course which I should have finished a week ago, but that’s University kids.
- Yes now I remember…at 20 I learned I knew absolutely nothing… here is why:
Life changes people, life changes in general and life will change you. We can’t escape responsibility and we can’t hide or run for a task we have been set to complete (Believe me I’ve tried!). No what happens to us is we keep going and going and going even when it doesn’t make sense to us we keep going trusting that we will wake up tomorrow as usual and live life as we usually do.
I thought at 18, 19 and 20 I had it figured out. I was wrong. In that time what i had forgotten was that what i was wishing for two years ago and again one year ago was what i needed today. That’s what my best friend taught me.
In and amongst this mundane experience we call life we can lose ourselves. We can become so consumed by the things we go through and the life we lead, that we forget to stop and smell the roses…to watch the birds.
The key thing to understand in all of this is that, where life stops pushing you, you have to push. Where you can’t seem to find any mental space or physical time to be yourself, you need to PAUSE. Re-establish your focus. Recalibrate. Take time for yourself and remind yourself of who you are and who you’re supposed to be.
Read those books you like, take those walks you love, run that route again, play that game you’ve been waiting to play all week but couldn’t find the time to because ‘Life is catching up with you’.
That’s what my best friend taught me…when all else fails and you have nothing left… just be yourself again. If it seems too tough tell the Devil he’s a liar and you’ve got better things to do.
I mean look at me… I’m still breathing 🙂 – God is love Kwesi D