What was the one experience that completely changed your life? What happened? How did it change your life?
The most life changing experience i had, was probably depression. It has never been clinically diagnosed but I’ll never felt more sure about something. I’m a positive guy so i definitely wasn’t trying to gain sympathy from anybody. in fact i was more angry that what i was feeling was depression because i hate feeling like I’m making excuses.
Despite all my fears i believe what i felt during the months March, April, June, July and August of 2012 was really depression. If I could describe the feeling with one word, it would be smog. Depression to me feels like a thick blag smog or fog if you like rhyming couplets. It feels like a really heavy weight spiritually that wears you down. it takes, takes and takes until you are physically, emotionally and mentally drained. You don’t feel like sleeping, eating or living but you try to pull yourself through day by day on false happiness usually by surrounding yourself with “fun”. It usually doesn’t work and at the end of the night you’re thinking i don’t feel any better than yesterday.
At least that’s how it feels if you don’t choose a more visually destructive vice. A vice is something personal that holds you down or rather seemingly to you, hold you up. My vice was people, constantly surrounding myself with people would drown out the screams in my mind. The saying “silence is deafening” really is true. You can sit in a silent room and not say a word to anyone and in your mind the noise won’t stop, comparatively you can sit in a room in amongst a booming and vibrant, blossoming party with every single friend you’ve ever known, and your mind will quietly and politely remind you how lonely you feel.
Depression really is depressing and all jokes aside, it’s a serious and deadly issue. It’s like a Russian roulette, a room filled with 100 people sitting side by side, from wall to wall, could have 80 depressed people all talking and conversing as normal or could have 5 individuals not saying a single word and on most occasions you’d never know.
There definitely needs to me an improvement on mental health awareness and more dialogue opportunities for each and every person in a workplace or a locational, educational setting.
if you feel like you may be suffering with depression, firstly look into it, there are plenty of leaflets in local GP’s and in supermarkets, second TALK ABOUT IT, ain’t nobody gon know if you hurting or suffering if you don’t say sumthin’ (excuse the rachett-ness). People don’t know and if they aren’t aware they can’t help you, depression isn’t easy to understand if you haven’t suffered from a mental illness before so be sure to tell someone you would trust with your well being. Everyone wants to know, not everyone cares!
Finally think positively as much as possible, what depression does and does well is attack your mental strength and tries to keep you from thinking positively. Listen, life isn’t over and depression won’t kill you, you don’t have to let it either, spend every day planning how to take different steps oto being more active and being more actively positive. It helps a lot to be up and about, the more you are at one with yourself the more you can learn about how to deal with the negative thoughts.
Thanks for reading, stay sharp, stay smart, read, love, live, learn. Laugh. God is love, Kwesi D 🙂